the brilliantly leaping gazelle

“They really haven’t thought this through have they?” (pt. 2)

The news that the government has suggested that measures in place to combat the Coronavirus could last for up to a year carries with it some unforeseen consequences. The main one that occurs to me is – as you’ll know if you’ve read my posts – that enforced proximity to ones family for any prolonged amount of time might lead to households more reminiscent of a remake of ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ directed by Hieronymous Bosch!

Far more likely however than numerous blood-drenched crime scenes is the health crisis that could inevitably ensue when lots of people are cooped up indoor’s with nothing to do but to eat. And given we have an obesity epidemic in this country, this is only going to make matters worse. But I did write ‘could’ because if anything we are to be grateful that the shelves in the supermarket are empty and there is nothing to buy.Hang on, that means that if there is no food to buy in the supermarkets people and therefore no food, people will still be hungry and that hunger will only intensify the longer it lasts. People desperate for food might consider, as a last resort, another meat source with the inevitable result that people resort to cannibalism! You may scoff at this idea but everything it seems is on the table at this point and when nothing has been on the table for a long time, you might scoff anything



I’ve just a truly weird experience.

Driving back from Camberwell to my partners gaff in Stoke Newington on a Friday night normally takes nearly an hour and a half, sometimes longer if the traffic is really bad. But tonight? Well under an hour. The roads had some traffic but nowhere like the usual amount, and I’ve seen more people out and about on a Tuesday at 2 a.m. than I saw tonight. You know the phrase ‘the lights were on but no-one was at home’, it was like that. The shops, bars and some restaurants were open but no-one was in them.

Fatuous nonsense.

This afternoon I heard the most fatuous nonsense I’ve heard in ages, when the newsreader on R4’s ‘The World at One’ said that this was ‘an unprecedented week in our nations history.’ I may be missing something here, but aren’t all weeks that have ever happened unprecedented, or are there lots of weeks held in reserve for when other weeks can’t be bothered, have something more pressing to deal with or just fancy a break? Weeks where nothing much happens and so can easily be switched without anybody noticing. How have I missed this?

If I could swap weeks, I’d swap the week I had my accident for the final week of June 2001. Pet Shop Boys made their debut at Glastonbury on the Saturday and later that same night Orbital played. Or any of the weeks in March 2004, when I was in Australia, where I spent one week on Rottnest Island snorkelling and three glorious weeks in Ningaloo snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef.

I’d have those weeks, the ones in Australia, as an annual swap. I’d more than happily do without any month between now and then to relive that one again.

But life isn’t the sweet counter at Woolworth’s, it isn’t a pick and mix. It sucks cocks in hell.

Here is Orbital’s performance of ‘The Girl With The Sun In Her Head’ at Glastonbury 2001 for you to enjoy.