the brilliantly leaping gazelle

Finally!

I knew it was only a matter of time, of ‘when’ and not ‘if’, until the fanciful imaginings of my youth – and also of countless of others – became tantalisingly close to becoming a reality.

An Olympic-styled competition for drug-taking athletes is being launched by an Australian entrepreneur.

Melbourne-born, London-based businessman, Aron D’Souza is the president of Enhanced Games, a coalition of athletes, doctors and scientists. He plans to stage the inaugural games of no drug testing in December next year.

Who in the world, after being off their trolley on drugs and finding themselves to unable to complete even the most simple of tasks without it taking ages, hasn’t thought ‘If it takes me this long to make a cup of tea, imagine how much better the Olympics would be if everyone was on drugs?’?

Just imagine the fun watching it would be!

It’d be like ‘It’s a Knockout’, with lycra instead of enormous padded costumes. The chaos of the 5000m, the danger of the javelin, the utter slapstick of any cycle race, the folly of even attempting a marathon. It’d be TV gold, and don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch it because I know would. You could even ‘take part’ – which programmes continually exhort us to do nowadays – and take the drugs the athletes were taking as you sat safely on the sofa and placed bets on how long the 4x400m relay would take.

The Winter Olympics would be even better. The sheer lunacy of the downhill slalom! The absolute insanity of anyone even attempting the ski jump! Curling is already bonkers enough as it is, so imagine if they were all on acid? I

tI’d all be like the best bit bit in ‘For Your Eyes Only’ where Bond has to ski down a bobsleigh run, as gunmen on motorcycles chase him. Only much better.

I know its only days, but the seed has been planted, and much like anyone who’s ever tried to grow their own pot plants, we just have to wait and see if anything happens.