the brilliantly leaping gazelle

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The news that Mr Magoo’s son, Wellington, was found guilty yesterday on all counts relating to his having lied about his drug use when applying for a firearms licence was a shock. He seemed like such a nice man, the kind of man who would clear the paths of his elderly neighbours if it snowed and would do it in secret, so as not to highlight what a nice man he really was.

So imagine my dismay upon finding out that this wasn’t, in fact, the case. If anything, he was even more Ryan Giggs than Ryan Giggs himself, something I’d thought impossible. A week or so ago, an article in the Guardian, reporting on his imminent trial noted that ‘Prosecutors also may call Hallie Biden, the widow of Joe Biden’s son Beau, who died of brain cancer. (In 2015) Hallie Biden was dating Hunter Biden when he bought a handgun in 2018.’

So hang on! He was having an affair with his brothers widow at the time of the alleged offences, and they bury this detail at the end of the article? So naturally, I went looking and depending on your view of humanity and also how personally removed you are from the events a bit a Googling unearthed, they are either a savage indictment of the morality of the wealthy and powerful in America, a tragedy caused by an entitled man, a man who even when the game was up, still clings to his entitlement or just typical.

Remember the stolen laptop that was such a big deal out of by people who make a living out of making big deals out of things? Probably not, if you have a life.

Anyway, analysis of that laptop revealed that he sent the grieving widow of his dead brothers wife, the one he had an affair with, a series of emails begging her to get an H.I.V test after their affair had cooled off. This was a month before before he fathered child with someone who worked for him at his consulting firm.

Not only was the mother taken off the firms insurance policy months after giving birth, he also denied he was the father, resulting in a bitter paternity case. Not helped by him claiming to have no memory of ever having met her, I suppose.

His then wife, with whom he has three daughters, bizarrely decided to divorce him. I know!  She only found out about his unorthodox method of grief counselling after she found lots of incriminating emails on his iPad. 

Had he not heard of the delete button?

Sadly, due to various this’s and that’s, The Guardian wasn’t able to let its readers know about such things which took me all of five minutes to uncover. Had it been Fart however, they’d have been endlessly gorging on this story like a vampire at a orphanage. They covered Fart’s judicial circus as if it were something that had some meaningful impact upon British people, all live feeds of irrelevant minutiae and endless updates on trivia.

But having an affair with your brothers widow months after he died, then when you’ve ended the affair but before your new mistress is about to have your baby, beg the widow to have H.I.V. test, that isn’t news. Neither is the fact he has consistently denied paternity, so much so that neither he, nor Mr Magoo, have ever met his five year old daughter.

One might be forgiven that might be a reason to explain why this might be so.

And for added cringe, I’ve included the video below, in which he claims that the affair was…well click on the link and try not to think, ‘When you’re in a hole, stop digging!’ It’s less than three minutes long, and honestly, it speaks volumes about his character…