the brilliantly leaping gazelle

Wow! Did you see the Opening Ceremony of the Paris Olympics! Obviously I don’t mean ‘Wow!’ in the ‘how amazing was that!’ sense, but ‘Wow!’ in more of a ‘was that it? sense.’

At times it reminded me of an amateur production of a Cirque de Soleil show, an episode of Eurotrash ( but without the knowing wink ), an even more grandiose and camper version of the Eurovision Song Contest, ‘Its a Knockout’ and the Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant.

Had the organisers been given less than a year to put this together then judging it to be a unmitigated disaster might be seen as harsh. But Paris was announced as the host city for the 2024 Olympics in July 2017. 

Enough time, one would’ve thought, cobble something together. But no. The initial planning meeting must’ve gone like this.

Frenchie Un:        I’ve brought you all here because your the best creative minds in all of France, and know we have  and..who are you?

Siobhan Sharpe: Siobhan Sharpe from PR company Perfect Curve. I helped with London 2012 –

Frenchie Duex:    We don’t need your help –

Siobhan Sharpe: That you even think that means that you do! Here’s the thing. You need to leave the past of the rearview mirror of never happened. Forget everything. Be bold –

Frenchie Un:        We can’t. We’ve already booked the Stade de France –

Siobhan Sharpe: What’s that?

Frenchie Trios:    The largest sports stadium in –

Siobhan Sharpe: That is so 2012. Times have changed. Sport is fluid, dynamic and fast moving. So too must be the venue.  C’mon guys, get with the programme. It has to be on the river!

Frenchie Trois:    Its the scene of our greatest sporting triumph –

Barney Lumsden; And it can be again. A triumphant procession –

Frenchie Un:         Who are you and how the hell did you get in here. SECURITY!

Barney Lumsden:  I work with Siobhan –

Siobhan Sharpe:   For Barney for. We’ve spoken about this.

Barney Lumsden: So all the athletes are in boats, yeah, and all along the river way will be these amazing dancers, the bridges as performance areas and catwalks –

Frenchie Trois;       We won the World Cup there in 1998-

Siobhan Sharpe:   Whatevs. Its 2024. We need to project a confident version France, one that celebrates diversity and is out and proud, one that is comfortable with a celebration of love featuring a thruple –

Frenchie Deux:   Come again?

Coco Lomax:        In a thruple could be easy! Three people in a relationship. Two of one gender, or one non-binary other. Who knows! Who cares! Or three of none. Its 2024!

Frenchie Deux:      You work for Siobhan, yes? The hair and the shoes give it away. Siobhan, this is going to be televised live. To some of the most morally conservative countries in the world, no not some of them, all of them!

Frenchie Un:           And isn’t the opening ceremony meant to be about the athletes, an acknowledgement of all of the hard work, the single-minded focus, dedication and sacrifice that got them here in the first place?   

Frenchie Trois:        Exactly! And if it rains and they get colds and can’t compete, what will it achieve? Angry badminton players are one thing. But angry weightlifters, javelin throwers, shot putters…

Siobhan Sharpe:    This is so going to happen. We’ve got it worked out. Trust me, nothing will go wrong. Listen up………..

**********************************************************************

I never thought I’d think that the Opening Ceremony for Rio 2016 wasn’t the worst one. And that was bad.