33:64 presents “The Mad Hatter.”

I think we can all agree that is hot. We might not all agree on what the causes are or if there are any changes that we can make that will have long term effect in reversing them. But in the short term, the very short term I mean – like the next few days, weeks and months – we can all agree on that at least.

But I can’t be the only person who thinks that the advice given as to how to keep cool during this hot weather is as patronising as it is flawed. I’ll get the patronising out of the way first. To this end, The UK Health Security Agency published ‘How to keep cool and stay well during hot weather.’, a few days ago.

‘Avoid the sun when it is strongest, typically between 11am and 3pm. If outdoors, apply high protection sunscreen regularly, wear a wide-brimmed hat and seek shade.’ Did anyone really need to told that? Avoid the sun? How is that not basic fucking common sense? How is that not taking the piss?

More piss taking follows. ’Limit strenuous physical activity, or plan physical activity for times of the day when it is cooler, like the early morning or evening.’ Just In case anyone was thinking of running a marathon, scaling Ben Nevis or anything like that. Because, you know, that might happen, if people aren’t told.

They then follow it up with this humdinger ‘avoid hot, closed spaces like stationary cars.’ This is why we pay taxes, to pay the salaries of these geniuses. Money well spent. Makes you proud to be British.

If anyone needs to be told any of this then why have they got the right to vote, why aren’t they prevented from having children? These are the people who should be on a database, who should be removed from society and placed under house arrest. For our good, because of the risks they pose to everyone else. And for their good, denied access with to any sharp objects, anything glass, tinned or ceramic, and rope. Or anything that might be re-purposed as a rope; shoelaces, bedsheets or electrical cord. Plastic cutlery only. Natural selection is being reversed. People are now being protected from the consequences of their own stupidity in a way that would’ve seen their ancestors regret trying to keep a wooly mammoth as a pet.

If the government had, in an act of the utmost cunning, published this information precisely so they could identify who exactly was in need of such advice, like a modern day Trojan Horse, prior to removing them from society for the common good, then I’d take my hat off to them. A ‘wide-brimmed’ one, obviously.