the brilliantly leaping gazelle

So  Andy Capp wants to have an ‘honest discussion’ about Britains relationship with the EU does he? This then raises some fundamental questions. Can he have an ‘honest conversation’ with anyone about the EU? That he respected the vote to Leave, blah, blah, blah and like fools they believed him. Had they not been paying attention since 2016?  Was the island they were all marooned so remote that it didn’t have wi-fi?

Did they not realise that ever since the vote to leave ten years ago, the Labour Party has been tireless in its attempts to try and reverse it. That from Stymied downward, Brexit had managed that rarest of things in the Labour Party; unity. Everyone was united in their opposition to it. Its – then – shadow cabinet, backbench MP’s and grassroots  party activists. Or did the voters in Makerfieid think the incessant calls for a second referendum were nothing more than acts of political whimsy? That the various nonsenses of social media manipulation, Russian interference or else something to do with Elon Shan’t and Tangoed were elaborate situationist pranks?

But lets give him the benefit of the doubt and imagine that he is capable to having an ‘honest discussion. This then makes me consider who is going to be involved in that ‘honest discussion’? Is it going to involve representatives of a wide-cross section of political views, all advocating on behalf of the needs of the people they represent?  Or will it be the same MP’s who voted him into No.10 on the understanding that he’d scuttle off the Brussels to betray the democratic will of the people?

They would be the same people who don’t own large businesses, who don’t have a vested interest in free movement of people but who will bear the utterly predictable consequences of free movement of people within Europe. Where non-UK nationals will be willing to work for less money, creating a race to the bottom for employees – if they can even become employees – of worsening protections in the workplace which only benefit the people taking part in that ‘honest discussion’ 

The various enterprises that publish reports, commission surveys and hold conferences that have consistently promoted that Brexit was a disaster. I bet they’ll be there. I’ll all bet that this ‘honest discussion’ will be lovingly reported among the press who have long dreamed of it.  And how ‘honest’ is any discussion with the EU going to be if the EU are involved? They know Andy Capp wants in, they know they can set any demands they want and he’ll just suck it up.

But the irony is that the greatest threat to Brexit wasn’t political. It was inevitable. It was simply a waiting game. Waiting for old people to die and for young people not to be quite so young anymore. In the 10 years since Brexit, more than 5 millions people, most of them over 60, have died. At the other end of the scale however, some estimate that 7 millions have reached voting age.

Then consider that winning margin of the Leave vote was only 1.3millions. Then further ponder upon the fact that 12.9 millions of people who could vote, didn’t. That’s only 3 millions fewer than those who voted Remain. It’s always been a numbers game., a simple demographic calculation involving the number of people dying against the numbers of people being able to vote.

So in one sense, Andy Capp wasn’t lying when he told the voters in Makerfield that he respected the wishes of the British people when they voted for Brexit. He just had to wait for them to die. Is he can respect and honour them all he wants, because actually, it doesn’t make one iota of difference. They’ll be as dead as Brexit.

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What is it about storms and idiots with a death wish? It seems to be worryingly depressing addition to the media landscape; photos of lighthouses being swamped by a massive wave and someone, dangerously close to being an official statistic taking a selfie. Or a poltroon, taking a stroll along a sea wall as if it were summers day and they were being gently buffeted by warm breezes. And not in the middle of a gale, with waves as high as houses crashing around them.

Honestly, if one of them fell in and had to be rescued, it’d make the RNLI’s taxi service for migrants seem worthwhile.

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The only thing two things that concern me about ‘The Traitors’ and its inevitable offshoot, ‘Celebrity Traitors’ programmes on TV.

No three things . No, hold on four.

To begin with, why are the BBC even making this shit? It’s the sort of thing you might expect even ITV to baulk at. Not ITV2. They have ‘Love Island’ after all, so a totally different demographic. But prime-time BBC1. And who, apart from Fringe herself, thinks she remotely talented?  Apparently someone at the BBC does. . Last year she ‘earned’ about £2 millions.

And why does the media think anyone cares? I know that the celebrity version does benefit from having celebrities that people over 25 might have heard of. And that being case, and remembering that show-business is a business, the media essentially feats on its own carcass. But it annoys me. Even what we used to think of as ‘the qualities’ report on this trivia as if it mattered, that it is something we should care about.

What also waxes my woody is that we’ve created a culture in which the notion of what constitutes a ‘celebrity’ is functionally meaningless. No longer do you need to have had long career in film or TV, maybe a pop star with tunes people can instantly recognise from the title alone to be a ‘celebrity’ Its a whole lot easier now. Just tell people you are one. Have a YouTube channel, be an ‘influencer’ – why would anyone be influenced by what an ‘influencer said – or else have a sizeable following on social media. Or even easier, be related to someone who was a ‘celebrity’ by association. Worked wonders for Kim Kardashian, Her Dad was one of O.J. Simpsons lawyers.   

Actually I’ve just thought of another one, so five. Maybe six. Lost count.

The format of ‘The Traitors’ isn’t owned by the BBC. Its licensed to them, the Americans, the Australians, the French and the Canadians among others. Even the Mongolians and Saudi Arabians are shortly to be subjected to it. It’s been wonderfully lucrative for All3Media, the format being sold to over 30 territories and All3Media being sold themselves for over $1 billions.  The current series of the celebrity version cost the BBC a reported £9 millions. They’ve just signed a new 3 year deal to produce yet more. The problem with a successful format is that the more successful it is, the higher the price that’ll be demanded.

The actual traitors are the BBC executives who keep on being generous with the licence payers money.

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