the brilliantly leaping gazelle

Category: trumpery moonshine

If Nigel Farage is ‘a pound shop Enoch Powell’, then Russell Brand is either David St. Hubbins from ‘Spinal Tap’ or Reg from the People’s Front of Judea…

Appearing on BBC1’s ‘Question Time’ recently with a panel that included Nigel Farage, Russell Brand, in one of his many populist rhetorical flourishes, called Nigel Farage ‘a pound shop Enoch Powell.’ Cue much applause from the audience, who didn’t know how or why this was an insult, but that nonetheless it was. To be likened to Enoch Powell. And with initials like N.F?

Of course Farage isn’t ‘a pound shop Enoch Powell.’ He isn’t anything like him at all. Most people, if they know anything at all about Powell, might come up with ‘rivers of blood’. Except of course, that he actually never said ‘rivers of blood.’ Not for the first time, popular myth became truth. What he actually said was ‘As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see ‘the River Tiber foaming with much blood’.

You might think I’m nitpicking. If so you can read an excerpt of his speech here. And you’ll also discover he was awarded a rare double starred first in Latin and Greek. So him referencing an obscure Greek poem – The Aeneid – that very few of his detractors would’ve heard of is no surprise. Even less that he referenced him at all, given how he was a professor of Greek at the age of 25.

My point is that anyone can make a rather facile comparison that someone is like Enoch Powell, safe in the knowledge that they won’t have to defend or justify that comparison. It does rather prove the point that the only brand Russell Brand is ultimately interested in is himself. To anyone disenchanted with politics, alienated by a language that politicians use, but which doesn’t make sense to them, most of what he says might seem like straight-forward common sense. But to anyone else with an I.Q. larger than the radius of their kneecap, he might resemble David St.Hubbins from Spinal Tap.

David said this, “Before I met Jeanine, my life was cosmically in shambles, it was ah…I was using bits and pieces of whatever Eastern philosophies happened to drift through my transom and she sort of sorted it out for me, straightened it out for me.”

And Russell said this, ”This attitude of churlish indifference seems like nerdish deference contrasted with the belligerent antipathy of the indigenous farm folk, who regard the hippie-dippie interlopers, the denizens of the shimmering tit temples, as one fey step away from transvestites.” The words, individually make sense, but put together the way he has, it is like a cook taking the finest of ingredients but the way they combine them results in an inedible mess.

(And by the way, it’s not just me who thinks he’s less of a gifted orator than he clearly does. The Plain English Campaign awarded him their ‘Goobledygoop’ prize for that idiosyncratic use of English)

If Brand is a sort of spokesperson for a lost generation, then that lost generation’s bike wheels are punctured. And when his thoughts do make a kind of sense, you kind of wish they didn’t. Here he is on BBC2’s ‘Newsnight’ advocating not voting;
“Yeah, they shouldn’t vote, they should – that’s one thing they should do, don’t bother voting. Because when it reaches – there’s a point – see these little valves, these sort of like little cozy little valves of recycling and Prius and like you know turn up somewhere, it stops us reaching the point where you think, “I see, this is enough now.” Stop voting. Stop pretending. Wake up. Be in reality now. Time to be in reality now. Why vote? We know it’s not going to make any difference. We know that already.”
Basically what he says appears radical and edgy, but ultimately only perpetuates the status quo – the politics of the what is and not of the what could.

The stark facts are these. At the 2010 election 45.6 million people were registered to vote of whom 29.7 million actually bothered to so. Meaning that 65.1% did and 34.9% didn’t. The Conservatives got 36% of votes cast. So when Brand exhorts non-participation, David, Ed and Nick must be secretly grateful. Because politicians know that the older you are, the more likely to vote you are. Hence their reluctance to cut any benefits to a group likely to kick them in the ballots. Conversely, the younger a voter is the less likely they are to vote, and so cuts to their benefits have little electoral risk.

Hang on! If Russell Brand might bear some resemblance to David St.Hubbins, then by spouting such trumpery moonshine, he is channeling the spirit of Reg from the People’s Front of Judea in ’The Life of Brian’. In the same way that Reg is grudgingly forced to concede that yes, the Romans did a lot that benefitted Judea, so anyone who allows reason to intrude upon their thought process must agree, that yes democracy can make a difference. Ask yourself, where would you rather live, England or Eritrea?

Farage does the same trick, albeit to a different demographic and with a different outcome. By appealing to older voters disaffected with what they see as everyone else doing better whilst they do not, he channels their sense of alienation. ‘Yes’, he says, ‘Traditional politics have helped create a feeling of disillusionment, of repeated betrayal; I can understand why you feel that way. I understand the resentment you feel towards politicians who promise all manner of things when they want your vote, but once they’ve got it break them. But not all politicians are the same. I’m new. Different. An outsider. Vote for me.’

Anyone else remember the politician who presented themselves to the electorate in 2010 as a break from the past. And that voting for them would send out a clear message that the old way of doing things was over?

Look how he turned out!

I believe in politics. And if you don’t, then ask yourself why not? Because apathy changes nothing. Voting does. Participation does.
Politics does.

In 2010 65.1% of the eligible electorate voted.

The Conservatives got 36% of votes cast.

The Liberal Democrats go 23%t of votes cast.

Which means 34.9% of eligible voters didn’t vote.

And voting doesn’t make a difference. FFS!

Next time…how politics is to me what sport is to some men…..

Some people should be disqualified from the human race….

Since my diagnosis of Bells Palsy, I’ve been visiting an acupuncturist in an area of south London that has according to estate agents been up and coming for the last 20 years. (If this area were a man then he’d need Viagra.) Not that I believe in acupuncture, anymore than I believe in UFO’s, the Loch Ness Monster or god, but what I do believe in is the placebo effect. The power of the mind has on producing beneficial outcome on health. The placebo effect has been the subject of double blind randomized trials, evidence gained and made open to scrutiny with the results peer reviewed, which is more than can be said for alternative medicine.

I’m with Richard Dawkins on this one when he says, “If alternative medicines actually worked, they’d be called medicine.” Of course some people will get better of whatever ailment was troubling them, but then that proves not that alternative medicine works but a lack of understanding of regression to the mean. Basically most minor ailments would get better without any intervention whatsoever. (For a detailed explanation of it see here, but for a less detailed explanation of it see here. Or you can believe me without any evidence whatsoever. Rather like alternative medicine.)

Sorry about that, but it makes me weep for the continued existence of the human race, people who believe in all that claptrap. The moon landings were faked? If the KGB had found any proof of that whatsoever, you think we’d have heard about it at the time. Maybe? It’s not as if the Russians had a vested interest in sparing Americas’ blushes during the Cold War. And lets suspend rationality for a second and imagine that they were faked. The conspiracy would need to have been huge. Sure those involved at the upper echelons might have had an interest in keeping schtum. But think about the people who did the catering. Or prepared the fake moon surface. Don’t you think some credible expose of the fraud would’ve emerged by now? Homeopathy? Water has memory, you say? Of course it does! This glass of water in front of me has a faint memory of it being turned into wine once!

People who believe this trumpery moonshine deserve to be disqualified from the human race. I’m not advocating killing them. But rather, by them having demonstrated their abject failure to engage in any deductive reasoning, they should be barred from partaking in civil society. Ask yourself, if you were on trial accused of a serious crime, for which there was a lengthy custodial sentence and social isolation on release, who would you want on the jury? A jury whose job it was after a careful and sober examination of the evidence presented to them, to decide your fate? Equally at elections. Why should anyone manifestly devoid of the requisite skills needed to evaluate one party’s policies from anothers, why should they have the vote? I’m serious.

Participating in democracy isn’t a right, more of a responsibility.

Anyway.

The point I was going to make before I got side-tracked down Tangent Street is that an up and coming area necessarily provides many and varied opportunities for businesses to creatively relieve people of their money. This area of south London isn’t particularly well off, but a tiny pocket of it is reported to be, and businesses charge accordingly. No doubt you will have encountered Artisan bakeries, which gives rise (no pun intended) to the joke, ‘What is the difference between an artisan bakery and a normal bakery?’ ‘About three pounds a loaf!’ I was reflecting upon this in the café I normally go to after my acupuncture, this bizarre notion that expense somehow equates to honest and/or authentic as I was having some tea. Not a lot of tea. Some tea. Now a pot of tea conjures up images of a large pot that you could at least get two cups out of. Unfortunately this café has prices well above its portions, meaning that the pot of tea was only capable of filling just one and a quarter cups of tea. By cups I mean those little dainty things that force you to make that little dainty maneuver with your little finger. This wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t paying £1.95 for the privilege.

I’ve the menu in front of me, their brunch menu offers house baked beans topped with Gruyere cheese on sourdough toast for £5.95. To you and me that means beans on toast with a bit of cheese. They also do a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel for £5.95, but the item on the menu that really takes the (overpriced) biscuit is a croissant with butter and jam for £2.95! One feels like handing them an empty cup and when they ask what it’s for, you can tell them it’s for the p*ss they’re taking.

This is café Twatteratti – not its real name – but a café that is popular with men who have floppy hair, unique facial grooming and worrying amounts of free time. And mothers, forced into the pretence of being mothers while their nanny’s are on a lunch break, loudly praising their portable fecal factory, for doing what an adult would be chastised for. Looking around at all of them I am struck by numerous thoughts none, of them edifying. The first is that the café is a triumph of style over substance. Secondly, and more worryingly, is the fact that when I look around at the easy confidence displayed by the customers, their fastidious sense of appearance, their casual insouciance, it only serves to remind me how far removed from that world I am now. Not that I was ever in any danger of being subsumed into that world before, but now even if I wanted to I couldn’t afford the price of admittance.

Literally. Whilst I wasn’t encumbered by a massive amount of savings, over the years – and thanks to a very lucrative death – I was able to squirrel away a tidy sum. All of my savings have gone, evaporated like a puddle on a hot day. How is now a matter of history, the facts don’t change the end result. Not that I’m angry about this.

I’ve got too many other, more important things to be angry about.

Next time…According to the bible, God would go all Bruce Banner…