the brilliantly leaping gazelle

In news that has generated far more coverage than it warranted, four countries have pulled out of next years Eurovision Song Contest (ESC). Something to do with Israel’s continued participation in it, because of course!

A few things leap to mind.

Who seriously thinks that the ESC has any deeper cultural meaning other to than to remind us why we voted to leave Europe in the first place. The only reason I used to watch it was for Terry Wogan’s brilliant commentary. He took it as seriously as it demanded – which was not at all – and thoroughly took the piss.  

It also reminds us why Europe has never churned out many musical megastars. Possibly it has to with language, because nothing indicates a desire for global success more than singing in a way that most people can’t understand. But even if they did, there’s a more fundamental problem that explains why there aren’t, indeed have never been and probably never ever will be any Greek, Norwegian or Polish international musical behemoths.

European pop music is shit. All of it is. Always has and always will be. ABBA? ABBA is the exception that proves the rule. Yes, ‘Waterloo’ was undeniably pure pop. But that was back in 1974. And they sang in English. And the world is unquestionably a much better place because of them. But aside from them? Celine Dion? In what universe is she anything other than a better than average karaoke singer who got lucky? Can anyone who isn’t a fan of hers name more than one that isn’t the ‘Titanic’ caterwauling abomination?

Because no matter how much Europe wishes it were otherwise, English is the language of pop. ‘Classical’ music proves this. It had no lyrics and therefore was thought of as good. By the very tiny minority of the rich who were able to judge these things, on account of them and living the sort of lives the rich have always lived.

And the movie ‘Spy’ provides more evidence to back this up. Aside from it being one of Jason Stathams greatest cinematic triumphs – his parody of himself is excellent – it also proved that to those not in on a joke, that the joke can be unintentionally hilarious.

There’s a bit in it where Verka Serduchka is doing something that the charitable might call singing, while looking like a  homemade Christmas decoration made out of tin foil. When I saw it I thought the film had nailed it, had perfectly captured the same trite cheesy music, the same  knowingly overblown campness and same the sheer awfulness of the kind of thing only ever seen at the ESC.

Only later did I realise the truth. That he had in fact came 2nd in the 2007 ESC, performing the same song, and in an even more laughably absurd way, that I had assumed was a grotesque invention by the filmmakers. (I had tried to embed the YouTube clip of it here so you could experience it for yourselves, but YouTube spared you that.)

There’s also the irony. Spain, Ireland, the Netherlands and Slovenia – the four to pull out so far – have all issued grand pronouncements each saying different versions of the same thing. Israel, war, genocide…the usual nonsense that gives politicians an excuse to engage in the kind of international virtue signalling grand-standing of the kind that focusing on more important domestic political concerns, like lowering taxes, improving public services or cutting unemployment simply doesn’t do.

More serious is the fact that the country they are so opposed to, which doesn’t share the values that they deem to be crucially important, is is the only country in the the Middle East where the ESC could take place. Technically it could take place, but in a largely empty area. The ESC has a very loyal LGBT+ following and pretty much anywhere other than Israel, would face either imprisonment or death. So why would anyone risk that?    

In what can only be described as a performative hissy fit dressed up as a principled stand, these four countries have perfectly illustrated everything wrong with the ESC. A deluded sense of self-importance – disturbingly myopic, totally obsessed with its own image and wanting everyone to know just how important it it is – and thus implacably opposed to anything that contradicts its invented reality.

Which is its a song contest. Nothing more. And not even a very good one.    

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In my last post I predicted that the fixation with smearing Farrago, as spearheaded by ‘The Guardian’ and enthusiastically supported by most of the ‘print’ and broadcast the media, would continue unabated until  polling day in 2029. 

‘The Guardian’ managed to cobble together four articles out of one comment by Reforms Deputy Leader on Thursday, one of which had a link to an earlier story. Plus a cartoon and a video podcast. Yesterday’s top story detailed another pupils memories of nearly 50 years ago. They stretched that one out into two articles, an ‘exclusive’ and an opinion piece, which were still there today, just as prominent and just as embarrassingly pathetic. 

It seems that proper investigative journalism, the tenacious and expensive unearthing of a scandal, the kind that the press were eager to convince the Leveson Inquiry they were tirelessly committed to, doesn’t actually exist and hasn’t for at least two, possibly three decades. Exposes concerning members of House of Inbreds, footballers sexual misconduct or other ‘celebrity’ nonsense, aren’t journalism.

Do we have the press we deserve because we don’t demand more or do do we have the press we deserve because we demand so little? Whatever the causes may be, they’re probably contested, likely contradictory, and no doubt better discussed by those more qualified to do so. 

Back then to Farrago. His travails perfectly illustrate what I mean when I bemoan journalistic standards. Rumour, allegations and conjecture that pretend to be news while hearsay, gossip and innuendo masquerade as evidence.

How it is possible for grown-ups – let alone responsible journalists –   to take seriously a story predicated upon what boys of 13 allege another boy of 13 said nearly 50 years ago. Unless they all allege that he said ABBA deserved to win the ESC and that he really fancied the blonde woman. 

Now that I’d believe!