the brilliantly leaping gazelle

The Democratic Unionist Party (D.U.P) have made a huge deal out of the fact that they will not accept any Brexit deal which treats Northern Ireland differently to the rest of the United Kingdom, as they believe it might undermine the union.

Fair enough.

But if someone could explain to me how this is in any way compatible with opposing abortion and same-sex marriage legislation which applies throughout the rest of the United Kingdom, then please, do.

The Stormont Assembly met for nearly the first time in three years today to discuss plans introduced by Westminster to change the law at midnight to allow the citizens of Northern Ireland to enjoy the same rights as everyone else in the United Kingdom. They haven’t met for any other reason – such as health, education, housing, the environment, the economy, transport, etc – in short undertaken any of the functions you’d expect a devolved government to be focused upon.

Arlene Foster, the leader of the D.U.P, made a speech denouncing this change in the law – which is only taking place because Northern Ireland is in breach of Human Rights law and Stormont hasn’t acted to rectify this – claiming that this was a bad day for the unborn. Mmm. That would be the unborn who haven’t been born yet and ould love to be born into a society clinging to out-dated and bigoted idea’s, that just because they are rooted in some nonsensical belief system that have spurious legitimacy?

Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m a little fucked up in the head – as Joe Pesci so menacingly said in ‘Goodfellas’ – but has anyone else noticed the similarity between the Boris’s Brexit deal and an iTunes agreement?

By that I mean that Apple know that users of iTunes aren’t going to spend the time needed to read, digest and then make an informed decision whether to install iTunes on their computer. Of course, if you already have iTunes, then you’ll just click ‘Agree’ That’s why its on the front page of the terms and conditions agreement. You don’t even have to scroll all the way to the bottom to do so. They count on our apathy.

In much the same way, the Brexit deal currently before parliament will next to no detailed scrutiny, no careful line-by-line examination, and no considered amendments in committee, before bringing it back to the House of Commons for ratification. In fact any scrutiny, such as there is, is going to be as rushed as a cheating husband hurriedly putting his clothes back on when he hears the front door closing when his wife comes back early.

Something Boris can relate to.

One of the problems with all of this – just one – is that is has the risk of something buried deep in the text, that no-one pays attention too, until it is enforced. Then everyone is wise. Oh yes. After the event. There have been a few real examples of this, where people agreed to hand over their first-born child for free wi-fi or to join a social networking site. Of course these hoaxes were designed to prove a larger point, namely that dangers are often hidden in plain view.

Remember ‘The Maastricht Treaty’ on closer European intergration? That had incalculably less effects and longer-term consequences than this Brexit deal, but had 20 days of parliamentary time. ‘Get Brexit done’ is the favoured soundbite of the unlovable rogue that is our Prime Minister but if this deal passes without proper scrutiny, it’ll be this and future generations that’ll be done up like a kipper.

Oh alright then…