the brilliantly leaping gazelle

I’ve just checked Amazons ‘Frequently Asked Questions’ concerning orders and deliveries during this new reality, and it boasts,

“Our role serving customers and the community during this time is a critical one.” What utter bollocks! The NHS being properly staffed is critical, those staff having enough protective gear to wear is critical…oh wait, you mean critical as in to be critical of, to lambast, to make fun of, to ridicule in the strongest possible terms.

Well fair enough, my mistake, carry on.

“At every level of our company, we’re working to provide the products and services that our customers and communities need most at this time.” Oh you were doing so well there but now you’ve slid back into the bullshit, confusing want with need. To be fair, it is an easy mistake to make. We all do it, but then again, none of us seek to portray ourselves as a shining exemplar of corporate responsibility, do we?

And I’m not making any of this shit up, I promise. Neither am I leaving unhelpful buts out, one’s that might undermine my argument. It’s exactly as is. well apart from my comments, that is. Their self serving profiteering goes on, disguising their avarice as somehow being a good thing, a social benefit that inexplicably serves the greater good.

“Amazon’s operations continue, but delivery times may be longer than usual.” How effective can any lockdown be when it still allows people to place orders on Amazon. Is their customers thinking ‘Well, me and my family should self-isolate, you know, to keep us safe and to minimise the spread of the virus but whilst social distancing is fine in theory, in practice I’m not that keen if Amazon delivery drivers do it.’ But they won’t, and that’s the point.

Because Amazon has a bonkers way of seeing things, a way that quite by chance also considerably reduces its financial obligations, and therefore doesn’t see them as employee’s but either as an ‘associate’ or an independent contracter. They’re not employee’s in the same way that LMS isn’t keen on eating sweets.

And the warehouse staff who process the order, what are they thinking. Yes, we’ve seen the lovely adverts on the telly where employee’s boast about how wonderful it is to work there, making it seem just like a kibbutz, just with less sex. But why do they still turn up for work? We all know Jeff Bezos is the worlds richest man, so why doesn’t he tell his warehouse staff to go home, be safe, be with their families and he’ll cover the cost. Amazon isn’t exactly short of money. Morals, yes. Possibly pay tax on money earned in the UK instead of some complicated financial chicanery, so we afford to pay the extra nurses we depend on, more than we do fucking amazon?

Speaking of morals, a church preacher made the news today when he announced he was selling a coronavirus prevention kit – a bottle of oil and a red cloth – for the bargain price of only £90.00. Just to cover his costs, one understands. I know this because I could hear my housemate guffawing at the radio. But she believes in homeopathy, and the difference is…..