the brilliantly leaping gazelle

See? The plan works! Just as it was reported over the weekend that Emu would resign as PM on Monday morning, he actually did. Not quite, well not immediately anyway. In a move that to me sounded like it was cooked  by a trans activist who masquerades to as political adviser to Emu, there’s going to be a transition phase.

Of course there is. Except this to enable Andy Capp to become fully aware of just how much poison the chalice can hold. It will need to be a big chalice. And not so he can become one of 0.01% of women that Emu once claimed had a penis.This transition, will be weirdly appropriate, inasmuch as it typifies his instinctive approach to being PM. Obsessively managerial. I’m not sure if this smooth transition, organised handover period or whatever it is their trying to tell us it is, is a good thing or not.

On the one hand, it avoids the interline warfare that any leadership contest necessarily entails. One only needs to think back to the last Conservative government for not one but two examples of how wonderful that turned out. 

Oddly enough, the same demands that Farrago is making for a general election are the same calls that Emu made after Boris’s Johnson stood down. And in much the same way, they are being ignored, as all concerned know they will. Gordon the Gopher ignored similar calls after I’m Tory Plan B stepped down and he was only following in John Minors footsteps when Milk Snatcher was ousted. Once again, the plan reinforces itself; we know from experience how the story goes. The government carries on governing whilst the opposition opposes.

It is also sensible to at least have a sense of the some of problems Andy Capp will have before he has to deal with them. And equally to be aware not only of the resources he does – and doesn’t – have at his disposal to try and sort them out, but also by that spending more on this and spending more on that, he has less to spend on the other. It allows him the time to get his ducks in in row, to consider what his priorities might be. 

He might well conclude that the Chagos Island deal is not one of them and that the estimated £3.4 billions a year the taxpayer will handover for 99 year of them might be better spent here at home.

Alternatively he might, after realising exactly how dire the situation really is – national debt almost £3 trillions, the interest on that being £112 billions a year or £320 millions a day – think ‘fuck it, give everyone what they want.’ Well not everyone, not the financial markets, but the everyone that has gotten used to the government shelling out for everything. Which, quite fortuitously, also happens to be the demographic Labour needs to woo back from the Greens and Reform. He might emulate what a friend of mine did some years ago. Because of illness, they’d accumulated a large amount of debt. They discovered that if you didn’t reply to any of the threatening letters demanding payment, answer any of their phone calls – they had a code to identify which ones to answer – for a period of seven years, you were free and clear. So they didn’t and eventually, they were. 

Obviously banks, credit card companies and all of the other financial parasites that rely on debt to keep them in profits, don’t make this widely known. Indeed, when my friend told me about this and that they were planning doing it, my first thought was ‘this sounds too good to be true.’ But bizarrely, it was. Totally legal. But if Andy Capp tried it, he’d have to give it reassuringly sensible name. 

Remember how after the financial crash of 2008 just printing off billions of new money wasn’t just printing off billions of new money. Quantitive easing wasn’t a Chinese herbal laxative. No, it was an exceptional economic response to exceptional times. Might ‘radical financial restructuring’ sound more plausibly obfuscatory than simply blanking it out and hoping for the best?  Or maybe thats what the transition phase is all about, moving from government borrowing on the global financial markets to a programme of radical financial restructuring?=