Hansel and Gretel go shopping

by Pseud O'Nym

This morning we got a home delivery from Sainsburys’ and anyone who read yesterdays post will realise just how much that was needed!

It was hard enough getting through to register with them as ‘Vulnerable’ but it was nowhere near as bizarre of registering itself. They wanted name, address, contact number, basically everything you’d expect. Then they wanted to know why I should be classed as ‘Vulnerable’. Patiently, Marge explained I had a brain injury blah blah mobility issues blah blah benefits.’Aha’, thought I,’Now they’re going to ask if we can email them something to confirm that. But no. Nothing. Nada. Nish


All told, the shop cost us £236, which isn’t bad for 3 adults and 1 child, when you consider that buying food for the weekend for me and my partner costs her sometimes £60. Mind you, I do keep telling her that if she will insist on eating Beluga caviar…

It makes one realise how much cheaper it is buying for more people, especially if you have somewhere to put it all – which isn’t, as LMS remarked the other day, my stomach. I never thought of myself as a huge eater, unlike my brother. He seemingly has to eat every fours he’s awake – not snacks either, but proper meals. It’s now clear to me that we’re more alike than either of us would wish, although if I start to like football or he thinks that Britain needs a socialist government is as likely as unicorns existing. Be that as it may, part of the reason that the shelves were empty a few weeks ago when people were panic buying was in part because they had somewhere to store it all. There’s no point in buying loads of meat, fish, bread, milk, etc, if you’ve only got a tiny freezer. We have a fridge/freezer combo that would comfortably suit the needs of 2 adults and a child, whereas we have 4 adults and a Tasmanian devil living in our house.


Anyway, back to this morning and the Sainsbury’s delivery. Foolishly I imagined that in the absence of me having to provide any supporting evidence to prove my eligibility that the delivery diver would do some sort of visual check, although what it might’ve been, I don’t know. But neither, it turns out did he, because he fucked off, leaving the shopping strewn in bags down the path rather like the breadcrumbs in ‘Hansel and Gretel’


Thankfully, I live with people that don’t have brain damage – although a belief in homeopathy suggests some kind of impairment! – and so were able to retrieve the bags and bring them inside because Darwin knows I couldn’t, which caused Joe to quip ‘Its like knock down ginger, except we’ve got garlic as well. The when Marge was putting it all away, commenting on the abundance of ginger he said ‘She’s got so much ginger she could be a Spice Girl.’, which was a trifle ambitous